When someone close to you is in crisis, you don’t realize till it’s over how much it has affected you.
After my husband’s vaccine injury related stroke, I jumped at every loud noise, and still do sometimes, because I believe it may be him crashing to the floor again (he’s recovered and doing amazing).
After my daughter had a perfect storm of a mental health crisis resulting from post concussion syndrome, undiagnosed OCD and a reaction to chemical birth control which resulted in numerous suicide attempts, I dreaded getting texts and phone calls for quite a while if I wasn’t with her. My stomach would drop. (She is currently in college and doing amazing.)
It wasn’t my fault any of this happened. But if I stay here, I will no longer be moving forward, I will be paralyzed by fear and stress. Hovering in place in life and setting off reactions that very well may keep us all in a dangerous cycle. Childhood trauma taught me though it’s not my fault, it IS my responsibility to heal myself.
So I know to recognize it when it comes for me and figure out what I need to move forward. I need to be whole, and that won’t happen overnight. But otherwise I won’t be able to truly be there for my people.
I write this today because I know there are people struggling to move forward from crisis and I want to give you hope.
The flashbacks, the feeling of dread, the heightened flight response , the hopelessness, the racing thoughts, the numbness, the anger, the fear, the anxious feeling of impending doom, stomach pains, headaches, fatigue, sleeping too much, sleeping too little, the spiraling rage that sometimes occurs for no reason, the recklessness, the melancholy, the overeating/over drinking/gambling -whatever it looks like for you, it can be healed.
Don’t give up, even though I know you are tired.
I can’t tell you specifically what will work for you. You have to figure it out. You will need a team though: A counsellor, a naturopath, a family doctor or nurse practitioner, a spiritual friend, family and friends who have the right words, and it helps a lot if you have something you love to do, which makes you feel alive.
For me, this farm and my garden always keep me present and connected to now, which is where my mind needs to be. Because everything is okay right now. It will always be there, somewhere.
But everything is okay right now.